35 Naughty Christmas Cards That Will Make You Blush

"So, you're spending the holidays alone? I'm so jealous."

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"And for this, I will poop in your shoe."

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"Rudolph...Where are we?"

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"No tongues"

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"When you find three wise men please let me know"

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"Jesus loves you (but I'm His favorite)"

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"An international conspiracy designed to get kids to behave. Now that's a holiday."

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"Have you seen the tinsel?" "No."

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"You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why: Because Santa just can't deal with all your emotions right now."

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"Is it Christmas now? And can we get drunk?"

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"This Christmas I'd like to roast your chestnuts"

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"Christmas only comes once a year just like your girlfriend"

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"The tree isn't the only thing getting lit this year."

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"Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal"

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"'Tis the season to drink too much with the coworkers, friends, & family who are the reason you drink too much..."

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"Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip"

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"You have yourself a Merry Christmas. Meanwhile I'll just stand here, freezing my balls off."

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"Santa Claus is coming to town!"

"He's gonna find out!"

"He sees you when you're sleeping!"

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"See!? Right where Google Maps said it would be!"

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"Let's be naughty AF"

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"Whore! Whore! Whore! Ah, you've been boring, you can have a present"

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"'Tis the season for Xanax"

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"You have me so...I don't know what else you could possibly wish for...but knock yourself out."

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"Remember to put out for Santa!!!"

"Let's drink mulled wine & talk utter sh*t!"

"When I think of you...I touch my 'elf..."

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"From the desk of Santa: I've seen your Instagram...you're getting sweaters and a bible for Christmas. Love, Santa"

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"The stockings aren't the only things well-hung this year."

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"We all get a little excited this time of year."

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"It's Christmas (don't be a prick)"

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"Happy hibernation!"

"Did I miss much?"

"Christmas"

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"This Christmas instead of gifts, I'm giving everyone...my opinions! You're welcome."

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"Stop dreaming of a white Christmas, you massive racist"

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"Merry Twerk-mas"

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"From: You

"To: Someone at your work

"Subject: Merry Christmas

"Have a lovely Christmas. I've really enjoyed* working with you this year."

"*I say enjoyed - it's been bearable."

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"B*tch, please"

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"It's the most wonderful bloated time of the year"

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